I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
