i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
