it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
