So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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