he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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