He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
