wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
