she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
