So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Even the bartender felt bad for me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
