not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
