I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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