I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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