Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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