Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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