Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
