So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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