I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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