You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
