Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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