you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
