dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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