Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
