and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
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We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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