A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
50% drunk capacity currently
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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