I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
