but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
