But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
