How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
