'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
