She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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