i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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