not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
