my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
