those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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