I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
