ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
