I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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