my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
