Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We won't sleep together?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
