He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
