just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
