i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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