i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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