found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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