Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
