You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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