Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
