if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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