I'm drive I can fine osifer
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The Olympian is in my bed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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