Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
