Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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