the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
