please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
