so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
