This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize