I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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