3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
