I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
