is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
