didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
