My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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