I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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