if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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