3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
