she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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