I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
