i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
