you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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