Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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