my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
