sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
