69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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