My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
