for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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