They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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