Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
